The reason I write “or ten” is because I feel i have experienced ten lives in this one. Often having to reinvent myself after some kind if trauma or life experience.
Current age 49, I am writing this in my “spare time” I say that because I have 2 business and 3 other jobs, along with 2 grown up children and one 13 year old and am currently healing from my mist recent fucked uo relationship which ebded 9 days ago. So I guess the phrase “spare time” is a bit of a joke.
For years I’ve wanted to share my story, in fact ever since I was having a consultation with a councillor about 30years ago… I cant remember much of what we talked about but I can remember him saying “there is a book in all of us”
This story/biography will be a roller coaster of emotions from devastation to utmost joy im pretty sure there will be tears or pain & laughter from anyone that reads it.
The reason I have started to write my story after all of these years is because the time feels right and because I have been through so much and want ithers ti be inspired and to know that it doesn’t matter what happens in life you can & will always get through it
So where am I now… im sitting in an 18year old caravan in a caravan park in Essex. The bathroom floor is fucked due to the shower leaking, when you sit in the loo it tips sideways making it feel like its gojng ti fall over or worse.. fall through the floor with me on it, knickers round my ankles having a poo! The rest of the caravan is okish the floor is questionable throughout, it kind of feels like your on a boat as you walk from one end ti the other. The decor isn’t too bad I guess, not my style but clean. The carpet in beige and thin oh and the doors creek as does the entire caravan when its windy!
But hey… I was paying £1550 in rent per month for a 2 bed apartment in Chelmsford with bills on top. This caravan cost around £2k with £4500 ground rent per year, there is a swimming pool on site, basketball, a clubhouse *which i only go to early evening to play darts and pool with my son as I cant stand the tacky entertainment and loud drunk people the clubhouse produces every evening. So we leave the clubhouse before it gets loud and either chill in the caravan or go and watch the sunset… sunsets and sunrises are my favourite things. I absolutely love them! And the sunsets here are absolutely stunning!
So how did i find myself in this position… let’s start from the beginning, going way back to my very first memory
Hackney around 1980.. my dad is up the loft ladder at the top of the stairs, im at the bottom of the ladder and can only see his feet and legs… im around 5 years old and what do I say to my dad… “dad when am I going to meet my real parents” my dad shouts back “what are yoy talking about” i reply when am I hojng to meet my real parents. He says “Don’t be daft, we’re your real parents” I was convinced I was adopted, my sister fitted in with the family… however I felt like an outsider… like I was different somehow and could quite wirk out why. I know right… thinking like tgat at 5 probably wasn’t the best start… the only other things I can remember from tgat time were weebles. We had a huge cupboard at the top of the stairs. The toy cupboard, and I remember my sister had some weebles. “Weebkes wobble but they dont fall diwn” was the phrase. I used to go in the cupboard and play with them. I don’t think my sister like me playing with her toys, which probably made me play with them more. I was the annoying little sister after all. My sister is 4 years older than me, smart, clever, focused. When my dad practised times tables with her she was great at them. When he practised with me I sat there wondering why he was torturing me with this rubbish that I had no interest in. I just didnt get it at all. Once you kniw your times tables maths will be easy. Looking back… I kniw he was right but I wasn’t interested, in fact I still don’t know them. Thank God for phones with calculators! Other memories were my friends, keely, Jackie and Donna. Kelly was the pretty one, always dressed nice and had a cheeky face, her mum & dad were lovely, always welcomed jeelys friends in. Her dad used to call me “tweety pie” he probably called all ir keely’s friends tweety pie but it made me feel special so im keeping that one as mine. Kelly had a dog called Boomer. Brilliant dog, scruffy and friendly. He used to riam the estate as if he was one of us kids just hanging out. Every evening you would hear Kelly’s dad shout “Boooooommmmerrrrrr” then whistle loudly through his teeth. Bommer would go running home again. How cool is that!
Jackie lived about 10 doors from Keely, i didnt kniw much about Jackie’s family but what u do remember is she introduced me to tomato sauce sandwiches and oh boy I loved em! Jackie was fairly quiet from what I can remember.
